 Lessons
in not being in control
Due dates mean very little -- this is your first lesson in not
being in control. (You can expect comparable frustrations and uncertainties
if you are planning to adopt, so you won't escape this valuable
instruction.)
Some activities, like going to the theater or foreign travel, will
be harder when the baby comes. Indulge yourselves now.
If this is your first child, there is no way you can fully prepare
yourself for what is about to happen. Try to relax, get some rest
and don't panic.
You can hear the baby's heartbeat when it's big enough by placing
your ear against the mother's lower belly.
The baby will seriously disrupt your love life. Talk about this
now.
Listen to all advice -- billions have done this before you --
but pick your own path and learn to trust your judgment.
You will make mistakes. Fortunately, kids are pretty resilient.
Make sure you have some time off from parenting now and then.
Try tag team parenting -- let one parent be "off" sometimes.
Food does not equal love.
Left on their own, kids will eat enough and sleep enough.
Enjoy each phase of development, it won't come around again.
The best adventures are unplanned.
Give your kids less money and more time.
Ignore developmental milestones unless you think something is
seriously wrong.
Here’s some good advice and assurance from veteran fathers
to new dads:
- Trust your instincts. A little experience will quickly turn
you into the world’s leading expert on your own baby.
- Learn from the best. Ask the hospital nursery personnel to
show you how to change, swaddle and bathe your newborn.
- Be patient and positive with your spouse. Communication and
support are crucial.
- Stand your ground. Do not allow anyone to distance you from
your child.
- Learn as a family — just the three of you. Accept necessary
help from relatives, but do not allow interference.
- Take your child with you when you go out. Babies are portable.
Don’t focus on what you can’t do.
- Step back, think and count to a high number when you become
frustrated.
- Make eye contact with your newborn. Babies talk with their
eyes.
- Relax and enjoy the journey. Make it a daily habit to play
with your new baby and let him fall asleep on your chest.
- Remember that trying times pass. Treasure each moment.
The most important preparation takes place in a new father's mind.
When your little one arrives, you want to be ready to take the field.
There's no backup roster. It’s important to understand that
until you can actually hold your baby and look in her eyes, or have
him grab your little finger, your drive to do the job will not lock
in. Just focus on doing your best.
Absorb all the information you can by learning from other dads.
Statistics show that children need their dads to be involved in
their lives. Some expectant fathers talk to experienced dads for
advice and answers to their questions and concerns. Others even
receive training in the basics of caring for their newborn and bonding
with their child by attending boot camp.
Your baby will help bring out the best in you. Dads understand
this only when they get the chance to hold their newborn. They begin
to feel the love that has motivated men for centuries to protect
and provide for their children.
Play kangaroo
My firstborn was a colicky baby who was never happy unless
someone was holding him. At the end of the day, Tim used to come
to the rescue by strapping on a Snugli and going about his business
— raking leaves, setting the table, tossing a ball for the
dog — all with Kyle cuddled against his belly.
Take a bath together
A new dad we know dreaded the nights when it was his turn to bathe
his son — the combination of screaming baby and slippery skin
made him nervous. One night, he simply stripped down himself and
took the infant into the tub with him. Lo and behold, the baby was
calm for the entire duration of the bath. Being snuggled against
his father's chest made all the difference.
Read the sports page
Aloud. Let's face it: Goodnight Moon can get you only so far. After
the 1,500th reading of the classic book, my husband finally threw
in the towel. I walked by the nursery at bedtime to hear him very
sweetly crooning the details of a Patriots game to Kyle. The baby
loved every minute of it ... it didn't matter what his father was
reading, just so long as he was.
Set a table for two
If your baby is old enough to be eating solid food, then you might
as well be the maitre d'. It's entertaining — see the food
go in, watch it come right back out!
Change a diaper
Talk about bonding at the earthiest level — with babies, the
bottom line (no pun intended) often involves cleaning up a mess.
During a change you get to touch the baby, and talk to him, but
it's sometimes hard to see a silver lining when a soggy lining is
so much more evident. Still, fair's fair. My friend Mary's husband
once asked her what she did all day with the baby, so she lined
up 18 dirty diapers in neat, plastic piles on the front stoop for
him to see when he came home.
Be there for a cold or fever
Nobody wants their baby to get sick, but there's nothing like an
illness to prove how much the little guy really needs you. A night
spent rocking a sick child will make you painfully, preciously aware
of what parenting is all about.
Bench press
The bad news is that once you're a parent, you don't have much time
to get to the gym. The good news is that you have just acquired
a fabulous set of hand weights, approximately 7 to 20 pounds. Once
our kids' necks could support the weight of their heads, Tim would
balance their bodies on his palms and then carefully curl them,
bench them, whatever struck his fancy ... and both his biceps and
the babies loved it.
Be a texture board
One of the greatest attributes of men is that they feel great (or
they probably wouldn't be daddies in the first place). From the
rough shadow of beard to a silky moustache to a crewcut hairdo,
a father is a tactile delight. Beware: Little fingers can get a
punishing grip on chest hair.
Take pictures
Nothing makes as flawless a subject as your own child. An added
benefit? All the grandmas and grandpas and uncles and cousins who
are the recipients of the prints can't help but notice what a great
time you're having being a dad.
Roughhouse (within reason)
Studies have shown that mothers and fathers hold their babies in
very different ways. Moms are more likely to cuddle; dads tend to
get a little more physical. You should never shake a baby, but you
can certainly stimulate her muscles. If your child is old enough
to sit up, she might like being tossed gently in the air, or getting
bounced on a knee, or being carried beneath the arm like a football
... things that Mom isn't as likely to do, but that are sure to
bring squeals of delight.
Additional Tips For Dads:
How to make Mom more Comfortable
During Pregnancy
Tips from Birthing Room Veterans
Extra Tips from Daddy Boot Camp Veterans
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